Si Highschool crush :)

Ayoko nang maging emo kaya magba-blog na muna ako ng masaya ngayon :)

Nung 3rd yr. highschool kami, saka ko naging classmate si highschool crush (HC). Una ko siyang naging crush nung tinuruan niya ako sa Math noon. Hindi naman kami close pa noon tapos biglang lumapit na lang siya sa akin para turuan ako sa Math workbook namin. Ayun, simula noon, napansin ko na siya.

E ang kaso ang dami pa lang nagkakacrush din sa kanya! Hahaha. Sa itsura niyang yun na mukhang pusa?! haha. E siguro kasi, mysterious ang dating kasi tahimik.

Tapos naging seatmates kami nung 3rd quarter. Yung katabi ko sa kabila, nakakaasar yun. Magulo. Lagi akong inaasar tapos sinusulatan ako ng ballpen sa kamay. E sa diin ng pagsulat niya, nasusugatan na ako. Nakita yun ni HC. Bigla niyang hinawakan yung kamay kong may sugat, at biglang sabi: "Camille, magpapasulat ka na lang kasi sa kanya para hindi ka nasusugat." O di ba, ang sweet?! Hahaha. leche siya.

Tapos since seatmates nga kami, naging close na rin kami nun. Lagi kaming review partners. Tinatakpan ko nga mukha ko ng libro kapag siya na yung nirereview ko e.. hahaha. E kinikilig kasi ako noon tapos hindi ko mapigilan tawa ko (actually hanggang ngayon na sinusulat ko e natatawa ako). Tapos siya rin lagi kong kakopyahan sa lahat ng subjects.

Ang hindi ko makakalimutan, nung nagkasakit ako ng ilang araw tapos umabsent ako. Tapos nung pumasok na ako, may surprise quiz sa Math at sa Chemistry. E malamang hindi ko alam isasagot dun kasi kapapasok ko lang! Bumulong siya agad sa akin, "Camille, kopya ka na lang sa akin." E di siyempre perfect ako maski wala akong alam sa lesson na yun! Hahaha.

Nung 4th year na kami, narealized ko na parang gumagrabe na yung pagkagusto ko sa kanya na kailangan ko nang umiwas. May pagkaganun kasi akong ugali. Natatakot akong mahalata niya. Pero nahalata rin naman niya na umiiwas ako. Sabi pa niya sa akin nung nagkasabay kami minsan papuntang classroom, "Umiiwas ka na a. Suplada ka na." Na dineny ko namang bonggang-bongga na, "Ako umiiwas? Hindi a. Ba't naman ako iiwas?" (Pansin ko lang hanggang ngayon, ganito dialogue ko kapag nabubuking ako.. hahaha).

Pero hindi na talaga rin masyado kami nag-usap nun. Hanggang sa malapit nang maggraduation. Tumatawag siya sa amin noon lagi para magpadictate ng mga sagot sa review tests namin. Ewan ko nga kung bakit all of a sudden biglang ako yung naisipan niyang tawagan. At parang engot lang na hindi ba siya nakapakinig sa teachers namin nung umagang yun para tawagan pa ako at ulitin ko lang din mga sinabi ng teachers namin?! 

Tapos nung malapit nang mag-graduation ball noon, nagkasabay kami ulit pauwi. Kasama niya yung bestfriend niya, tapos kasama ko naman bestfriend ko. Ganito naging usapan namin:

Bestfriend niya: Camille hindi kayo pupunta sa gradball?

HC: Hindi naman pupunta yang mga yan e.

Ako: Oo hindi kami pupunta kasi may sarili kaming party e (sabay tawa ng pilit).

HC: Alam mo Camille, maraming madidisappoint na mag-aalok sa iyo kung hindi ka pupunta.

At sabi naman ng mahadera kong bestfriend, kasali raw si HC dun. Parang pinariringgan niya ako at that time "daw". Pero nabalitaan ko after nung grad ball, nakasayaw niya yung sinasabing crush daw niya sa classroom namin e and they looked good together. Habang tinutukso siya at that time, niloloko rin ako ng bestfriend ko noon. Sabi ba naman sa akin, "Hala Camille, iyak na. Iyak na!" Hahaha. Bwiset siya.

Tapos siyempre wala nang communication after ng highschool. Nung nagtatrabaho na lang ulit ako sa Bahrain. Minsan-minsan nakakapag-usap kami sa YM. Pinost ko pa nga yata yung ilan sa Multiply blog ko e.

At saka pala kanina nagkausap din kami. Medyo weird pero in a good way naman ang feeling ko sa kanya. Kasi super nagbago na siya. Hindi na siya yung dati na parang tuod na walang emosyon, at sobrang tahimik na tao. Ngayon, mas sociable na siya, marunong na mag-approach at nagkukwento na.

Nagtaka siya sa shout-out ko kanina kasi it's about my crush who's an Indian doctor na ikakasal na today. I call him Mcdreamy. Nagtaka tuloy si HC kung sino raw si Mcdreamy at siyempre naikwento ko. Hanggang sa nauwi ang kwentuhan sa kasal.

Ako: Ikaw kelan ka magpapakasal?

HC: Kapag umibig na.

Ako: Weh hindi ka pa umiibig?

HC: Bata pa ako para isipin ang mga ganung bagay...

At nauwi ang kwentuhan sa mga pinaggagagawa namin nung highschool kami. Nung seatmates pa kami, review partners, kopyahan buddies, at mga kung anu-ano pa.

Nakakamiss.

Nakakakilig pa rin.

Nothing beats highschool.

Iba pa rin si Highschool crush. :)

 

What's with pride?

Minsan may mga bagay kang gustong tanungin at linawin pero kaya mo kayang itanong o hindi na lang kasi may pride ka?

Paano kung matatahimik ka lang kapag nalaman mo yung kasagutan kahit masakit (or hindi masakit kasi hindi mo pa talaga alam), go ka ba or huwag na lang kasi may pride ka?

Ang labo pare!

How to avoid being clingy

Sometimes, when I like someone, I tend to be clingy with him. I always want to talk to him, see him, and share stories with him. Of course, I like the person that's why I'm interested in knowing him. But I guess, this habit of mine is really unhealthy. My friends even said that I'm PARANOID (Oh yeah, I've heard it for more than 10 times now!). But I can't help it! I always think of negative things whenever he would not call me throughout the day. :(

So to help myself from being a clingy-freak, I googled this topic and I would like to share these steps to those girls (or even guys) who want to change their attitude for a loving and healthier relationship.

HOW TO AVOID BEING CLINGY:

1. 
   
   Trust the other person totally. They are not like your ex, and will not do the same thing to you. Not every man or every woman is out to break your heart or steal your money. Relax and do not blow a good relationship because you feel selfish.
2. 
   
   Realize that the one you love is in love with who you are. That will not change unless you continue to be selfish and that will only serve to drive that person away. Be yourself, the person they fell in love with and not the person who clings and is selfish.
3. 
   
   Keep yourself busy. When you feel like being clingy usually, it is because you are lonely and keeping busy will eliminate that need. Find a hobby, read a book, visit a friend, or clean your house from top to bottom do anything you can do to avoid being selfish. (Or in my case, REVIEW!)
4. 
   
   Realize that the one you love has a life which you are a part of. You are not that person's whole life and you should not consume them, for that only brings heartbreak to both of you. Do not try to consume their every waking moment of their life; they have jobs and a life outside of you.
5. Allow the person to be themselves. You fell in love with that person because of whom they were, and if you cling to them for life support then you are changing them from whom you love. You should never want to change someone you love.
6. Realize that if you try to control the actions of the one you profess to love, you will lose that person. Let that person be him or herself. For if you try to control they will high tail it out of the relationship, as no one likes to be controlled.

In my case, well I guess I'm still having problems regarding trust issues. Maybe putting up high walls for my defense, is really not a good idea. Eventhough I wanted to give my whole trust to someone, I still have this fear that he might broke it and I will be in pain again. :(

But I'm trying. I'm trying to break the walls and to trust someone again.

I just hope he is true enough and will wait for me when the time comes that I'm ready to be with him. :)

*Oo nga pala. Si Juan ay si Juan at si Pedro ay si Pedro. Hindi sila magkaparehas at magkaibang tao sila.*

Hanep

Ang bilis talaga ng DHL. Natanggap ko na kahapon yung mga papers na kailangan ko. Nagsabi na rin ako dun sa nag-aayos ng visa ko sa Dubai na ok na at pwede na nilang simulang ayusin yung papers ko dun. Nagreply naman siya agad. Sabi niya, pwede na raw ako magpabooked ng end of March. Ang bilis din talaga ng panahon ano?

Masaya ba ako?

Sa totoo lang, eto yung hindi ko maintindihan sa sarili ko. Kapag nasa Pinas ako, gusto kung umalis at makapagtrabaho na ulit sa ibang bansa. Kapag nasa ibang bansa na ako, gusto ko na ulit umuwi at makasama ang mga mahal ko sa buhay. Kahapon nung nareceive ko yung papers ko, medyo nalungkot ako. Inaasahan ko kasi next week ko pa marereceive yun. Sabi kasi ng DHL sa akin last week, 7 working days daw excluding weekends. So ang bilang ko talaga, sa Tuesday next week ko pa marereceive. E pero ganun e. Nareceive ko na kahapon. Dapat nga di ba nagpapasalamat ako at naayos nang maaga! Haha. Ang gulo ko lang talaga. Sabi ko nga e. Bipolar ako.

Kaya rin siguro hindi ako masyadong masaya na natapos ko nang ayusin yung papers ko ay dahil ang dami ko pang pending na lakad. Sa totoo lang, modesty aside, ang hirap maging Ms. Congeniality. Masaya ako na ang dami kong kaibigan, ang dami kong grupong sinalihan, at ang daming nagmamahal sa akin. Super natouched ako na ang daming nagtext, natuwa, at gustong makipagkita muna sa akin bago ako bumalik ng Dubai. Pero sad to say, kaunti pa lang ang nakasama kong friends. Sana naman maintindihan ako ng iba kong kaibigan na nahihirapan din naman akong i-schedule ang sarili ko sa lahat ng lakad ko. Gusto ko silang lahat makita at maibigay yung mga pasalubong ko. Ang kaso lang, nagrereview din naman ako, at sa totoo lang, tinitipid ko rin yung allowance na binigay sa akin nila mama dahil nga mamamasahe pa ako pabalik sa Dubai. Sana naman maintindihan nila na may mga bagay na ganito na kahit gusto mo naman talagang sumama, may priorities ka ring iba na mas dapat mauna.

Pero promise. Ta-try ko namang pangatawanan ang pagiging kaibigan ko sa inyo. I'll try my best to meet you guys before I leave. :)

At nakakatawa ang romantic horoscope ko kanina sa FB. Pakibasa lalo na yung last line...

(Pakiclick na lang po to enlarge image. Kasi kapag nilakihan ko, hindi kakasya sa border)

Haha.. parang saktong-sakto na ewan ko. Nakakalungkot na ewan ko rin tuloy nararamdaman ko naman dito :(

Anyway, bahala na. Lubusin ang mga natitirang araw.

PS: Naalis si Adam Lambert sa American Idol!!!!! Yung bet ko na mananalo from my previous entry. Ano ba yan. Mukhang lagi na lang mali instinct ko ngayon a. What's happening???!

Bipolar

The heat yesterday was just so insane! Eventhough my electric fan was on all throughout the day, it didn't do any help. I only turn my aircon on for 3 hours during night to save electricity since I'll be needing more money for my trip to Dubai soon.

I don't know if it was just because of the heat, or maybe hormonal imbalance (again), or maybe I was just not in  the good mood yesterday.

Maybe I'll be receiving my authenticated HS credentials next week, already sealed by UAE embassy. I just hope it will be finished as soon as possible.

I want to leave now. I want to go back to Dubai and leave all my problems here behind.

I know this is where I'm good at. Running away and never facing my own dilemmas in life.

Lord please give us some rain. Not like Ondoy but something to relieve us from this intense heat.

PS: I saw this in my friend's FB and somehow, I got affected! Haha. Shet! But I already stopped my "stalking" habit since friendster days. :)

Did this affect you too? Haha!

 

Update :)

Nakuha ko na kahapon ang pinakamamahal kong red-ribboned HS TOR, diploma, at certificate of graduation. Ang tagal namin sa DFA, which is somewhere in Baclaran (yata?) na. Bagong building na super lamig. E ang suot ko medyo manipis na blouse kasi mainit sa biyahe. O di kamusta naman na ako nung nasa loob ako ng DFA? Hahaha. Wow!

Tapos pinadala ko na rin siya sa DHL para mapatatakan na nila sa UAE embassy, kasama yung PRC license ko. Ang mahal! Umabot ng halos Php4k yung lahat ng yun. UAE embassy seal lang yun a. Gawa ba sa ginto yun? Ayun. 7 working days daw, excluding weekends. Kaya this coming monday pa ang start. At least may nangyayari naman na.

*********************************************************************************

Nanonood pala ako ng American Idol Season 9. Hindi ko pa sila lahat masyado kilala kasi I just started watching this week. I have a few favorites na rin naman at isa rito ay si Alex Lambert. This guy is just so shy lalo na last week. Pero etong performance niyang ito, wow. Superb! Hehe. Siya ang bet kong mananalo this season. :) Pustahan?

At hindi ka ba naman matunaw sa tuwing ifo-focused siya ng camera?

Aside from Dingdong Dantes and Victor Basa, eto ang lalakeng nakakakilig panoorin para sa akin.. hehe

You give me something

I was watching American Idol last night and one of the contestants sang this song.

You give me something by James Morrison

You give me something that makes me scared, alright

This could be nothing, but I'm willing to give it a try :)

I've found out something yesterday which made me a bit shocked. But as the hours passed last night, I realized that we all have our fair-share of first love, one true love, first heartache, and the likes. Only a few among us are very lucky to have their first love as their partners for a long time. Even soulmates don't end up with each other. And we all are not sure of what tomorrow might bring to us. We will never know who's really the one for us.

But I still believe in destiny. That no matter how long and how many obstacles you've faced in your lifetime, if two people are meant for each other, then God will make a way to keep them together.

Growing apart

Another thing that I also fear in having relationships is that it is not forever. Even married couples for a long time grow apart.

For example, my parents who are both living in Bahrain. In the same house under one roof as husband and wife. But not in the same bed and they are not talking to each other for quite some time now. When I was still in Dubai, one has to call me to relay one's message to the other. I hate it. Not only because I don't have enough balance to call them, but they both know that I'm also busy finding a job at that time. One time I even told my Dad that it's their problem and I have mine too so they should just fix it with themselves. I actually felt sorry after I said that. Maybe I was just feeling a bit pressured at that time.

Until now that I'm back here in the Philippines, they are still not talking to each other. But they still do their responsibilities as husband and wife. Like my Dad would pick up my Mom from work, and my Mom would still do the laundry for the both of them. But that's it. Every Friday (considered as a day off in Middle East) I talk to my Mom via webcam, but without my Dad. He's either in his friend's house or in church. I miss my Dad actually. I haven't seen him via webcam for a long time now.

Even when I was still there in Bahrain, they were already having some problems. My Dad said if it wasn't for me, maybe he would have left my Mom a long time ago. He's been a very good father to me. He makes impossible things happen for the sake of our family. I know, for the past 10 or 12 years of my life, he's been trying to patch things up between the two of them. Before I left Bahrain, he promised me that he will do everything to make their relationship work. But I don't know what will happen now that it's been months since the last time they talked to each other. Everytime I talk to one of them, one will say something bad about the other. It's very difficult to pretend that I'm fine with what's been happening to our family. I'm trying my best to smile and to keep our conversations light, but somehow, deep inside, I am hurting.

I have so many issues in life that I've been trying to fix right now. It's sad that the people who are very dear to me are adding up to my problems.

And I find it weird that for almost 24 years of their marriage, they are still having these misunderstandings. I just hope everything will be fine as soon as possible.

Plus the pressure of my upcoming exam on April (I know, a month early for this) makes me more stressed!