Super gulo

Hindi ko na naiintindihan. Ang gulo na talaga ng nangyayari sa buhay ko ngayon (kaya ulit Tagalog ito kasi sumasakit na ng todo ulo ko.. huhuhu).

Sabi ko sa previous entry ko di ba okay na papers ko for exam. Ang problema ko na lang ay yung date ng exam di ba. Kaya napagdesisyunan ko na uuwi na muna (sana) ako ng Pinas for 35 days kasi nga malapit na mag-expire visa ko. Tapos sa Pinas na lang ako magrereview at ipagpapatuloy ko yung pagpapatatak ng UAE embassy sa documents ko. Excited na nga ako e. Namili na ako kahapon ng ilang pasalubong. Kaso kanina nung nasa ospital ako, nakausap ko yung doktor. Sabi niya, vivisahan na lang daw niya ako ng iba (secretary/receptionist) para hindi na ako umuwi. I-take ko na raw yung urgent exam which is sa Feb 17 nga. Sa totoo lang, dapat natutuwa ako di ba? Kasi less gastos yun sa pamasahe pauwi ng Pinas at pabalik ulit dito.

Ang kaso, ang dami ko pa ring worries. Like yung TOR at diploma ko, tapos na yun sa DFA. Naka-red ribbon na sila, ang kaso wala pang UAE embassy seal. Pina-stop ko na dun sa stage na yun sa tita ko na tumutulong sa akin umayos nun na nasa Pinas. Sabi ko kasi, ako na lang mag-aayos pag-uwi ko. E kaso yun nga. Bigla namang nagbago na naman ang ihip ng hangin at eto, ipapa-rush ko na naman sa kanya yun. Hey buhey, you're so gulo.

Isa pa, ewan ko kung kaya kong mag-exam sa 17. Oral examinations dito e. Alam ko mas magaling ako sa written. Kabisote kasi ako e. Tapos pinepressure pa ako ng mga magiging kasamahan kong nurses dun sa trabaho. Sabi nila kaya ko raw yun kasi nga sa eskwelahan na pinag-graduate-an ko ng college. Sila nga raw galing sa ganitong nursing college lang, nakapasa, e di lalo na raw ako. Sa totoo lang, hindi ako natutuwa kapag sinasabi nila yun. Lalo akong nape-pressure na dapat mapasa ko yun. Hindi naman sa eskwelahan nakukuha yun e. Ewan ko rin kung bakit ako nakapasa sa entrance exam dun, sa cut-off grade, at higit sa lahat sa sandamakmak na exams na dinaanan ko nung college hanggang sa naka-graduate ako. In fairness, mas mataas din board rating ko sa kanila (hahaha.. yumayabang na ako sa part na to. Pero totoo yan nung nagkukwentuhan kami kanina).

Pero bakit ganun? Parang sobrang nawala yung tiwala ko sa sarili ko.

Pero gaya nga ng sinabi ko sa last entry ko, ibinigay na ni God sa akin itong chance na ito at hindi ko na dapat balewalain. Eto na nga e. Hindi na ako mag-e-exit sa Pinas. Ang kailangan ko na lang gawin ay manalangin na mapaayos agad papers ko, at siyempre magreview.

Kaya ko ito. RN naman ako a. At graduate ako ng school ko! Yehes. I can do this baby!

Kaya siguro, yung pag-uwi ng Pilipinas kahit excited at may mga pasalubong na ako, ipagpapaliban ko na muna. Babalik at babalik pa rin naman ako dun e. Hindi naman mawawala yun. Isa pa, ang mahalaga ngayon ay maayos ko muna yung buhay ko rito at makapagtrabaho nang makaipon. Dami ko na utang kina parents!  :(

So eto. Andito pa rin ako. Go go go pa rin at fight fight fight! :) Hay Lord, please help me.

So magiging busy muna siguro ako these coming weeks. Sa pag-aayos ng papers, pagduduty, at pagrereview. Kaya ko ito!

*********************************************************************************

Ako: E ikaw kamusta ka naman?

O: Ok naman... masaya na.

Ako: E bat ka happy na?

O: Kasi uuwi ka na :)

Last na usapan namin. Kaya excited na rin yata ako umuwi e. Ang kaso, hindi nga matutuloy siguro. Ganun e. Kailangan ko munang ayusin ang buhay ko. :(

**********************************************************************************

Prolonging the agony

Just like what I've written in my previous entry, today, the 26th of the month, is the verdict on whether I got an approval for the licensure examination for nurses here in Dubai. Guess what?

I took a cab going to Dubai heath care city and I arrived there at 10:30 am. I showed them my claim stub and they gave me back my photocopied credentials with a note in front:

REJECTED: Please give us a copy of your professional certificate and licensure from Bahrain.

Oh, yes. I was prepared. I brought all my original documents and I just got a very-well written professional certificate from the hospital I've worked before in Bahrain. I can manage this one. I thought.

I handed over my professional certificate to the Emirati lady who was assessing my documents. But she was still asking for my license in Bahrain which I forgot to bring because I thought it wasn't needed anymore. Plus, I only have the photocopied version of my license. I wasn't able to get the original because I didn't finish the 2-year contract.

Damn. Damn. Damn. I have to go back to our flat to get that piece of paper! I took a cab again. When I was already in our building, I told the driver to wait for me while I go upstairs to get my document. After less than 10 minutes or so, I came back and told him that he had to drop me again in that same building in Dubai health care city. So imagine how much I spent all in all in taking taxi cabs just to get that paper!

But it was all worth it. They approved my papers. Hallelujah!

The Emirati lady was about to give me the schedule of my exam. She was asking whether I will take the regular one which will only cost me 160 dirhams, or the urgent/special one which will cost a whooping 1100 dirhams. I asked her if I would take the regular one, when will be the earliest possible date that I can have the exam. She checked her computer and said, "March 31." Oh my god. That's just too late. The expiration date of my visa is on Valentine's day.

Then I asked when will be the earliest possible date if I take the urgent one. She answered, "February 17." Oh my, oh my. It's still late! 3 days late! Damn! I told her that I'll come back again because I have to talk to my employer about this.

Evening, I went to the hospital and told the doctor about it. He told me to come back tomorrow in Dubai health care city and asked them to fix my schedule of exam for an earlier date than the expiration of my visa. Anyway, that 1100 dirhams will be added on my first salary if ever I became settled here. And he told me to call him immediately if ever I wasn't able to get an earlier date for my exam. He is, by the way, the head of the Ministry of Health in Abu dhabi and Sharjah. But I'm in Dubai. So there. You get my point.

I wanted to cry. I wanted to complain. I wanted to ask, why do I have to prolong this agony? Were my sufferings and misadventures here not enough?

But all I can say to Him at this moment, is thank you. At least I'm still hanging. I haven't won the fight yet, but I'm not yet a loser either. I still have a chance.

God already gave me this chance. I should not just put this into waste.


All I have to do for now is hope, pray, and do whatever I can to make all these possible. Aja!


Update you soon. :)

PS: Multiply the amount above by 12 if you want to convert them into Philippine peso. That's only my estimation, but still expensive, right? All for the love of staying in Dubai!

And yeah, I have to get another quote box/fun box/something. My Bob Ong quotes from Komski expired.

LSS

I was singing this song for the whole week over and over again for no reason at all (I think). This song was actually old school but it has nice melody and great lyrics.

I Try by Macy Gray

This is the only song I've heard from Macy Gray (or I'm just not updated.. hehe) back then when she was famous. I wonder what happened to her career...

Anyway, GOOD NEWS! I already received my original documents from Philippines last Thursday. I got one authenticated (red-ribboned) by DFA, my professional registration certificate. My authenticated diploma and transcript are to follow. Yey! I'm just so happy.

Thank you Lord. Thank you DHL! :)

I'm still waiting for my original professional certificate from the hospital I've worked before in Bahrain, which I should be receiving by tomorrow, I hope.

Regarding my application for the department of health exam for nurses here, I've already submitted my photocopied credentials last Tuesday. They told me to come back on the 26th and bring my originals.

So there, I still have a shot on this one. I'm still hanging on! Haha.

Lots of prayers and support from you guys will be very much appreciated. So, 'till here for now.

Ta~ta!

Ang paghahanap ng trabaho sa Dubai

Mahirap. Hindi biro. Lalo na't recession sa ngayon.

Sa loob ng isang buwan at mahigit na paghahanap ng trabaho sa parteng ito ng Gitnang Silangan, masasabi kong swerte pa rin ako kumpara sa karamihan. Oo, alam ko, sinabi ko kanina, mahirap. E sa mahirap naman kasi talaga noh!

Lakad dito, lakad doon na yung varicose veins ko siguro abot na hanggang singit ko ngayon. Yung walking shoes at saka sandals ko nga, nawasak na dahil sa layo ng nilalakad ko everyday, every night. Magastos dahil mahal ang bayad sa taxi, halos sa isang araw e makaka-isang libong piso na ako sa pamasahe pa lang. May mga pagkakataon din na dadayuhin ko pa ang ibang emirates gaya ng Sharjah para lang magbakasaling swertihin. Kung may oras, pera, at mas malakas ang loob ko, baka pinatos ko pa yung mga for interviews ko sa Abu Dhabi, Ajman, at Al Ain. O di parang nalibot ko na buong UAE!

At kung maswerte ka talagang gaya ko, makakakilala ka ng iba't-ibang klase ng bosses/employers. Oo maraming manyak dito, bastos, walang respeto, at mga nagmamarunong. Pero may karapatan ba akong magreklamo at magtaray? Wala, dahil aplikante lang ako! Kaya all the way ng interview kahit gusto ko nang umiyak at mag-walk out, todo-smile pa rin ang drama ko. Ganun ang attitude dapat. Think positive, huwag kang aayaw!

Marami ka ring makikilalang mga kaibigan either by phone, kaparehas mong aplikante, napagtanungan mo ng direksyon, nakatabi mo sa bus, o di kaya nagkamali lang ng dial ng phone at na-i-dial ang number mo. Pero siyempre, dapat mag-iingat pa rin. Hindi naman lahat ng nakikilala araw-araw, maski kapareha man ng lahi e karapat-dapat nang pagkatiwalaan.

Damang-dama rin dito ang recession. Ang mga kasabayan ko sa mga interviews ay yung mga natanggal sa mga kumpanya dito dahil nga nalugi yung kumpanyang pinagtatrabahuan nila noon. Ngayon lang ako nakaranas na naka-schedule ako for interview, at maraming kasabay. Usually kasi noon, ako lang talaga ang iniinterview. Tapos natatanggap na ako agad. E ngayon, hindi. Sa dami ba naman ng kakumpetensiya ko, ang bata pa ng edad ko at kaunti ang working experience, e saan na ako ipapadpad nito?

Kaya pilit ko pa ring binalikan at pinagsusumikapan makakuha ng trabaho na in line sa aking kursong medikal. Nagkaroon din naman ako ng offers noh, hindi naman ako masyadong kawawa sa iniisip niyo (hahaha). Ang kaso, choosy ako e. Gusto ko ospital na may magandang sahod. E yun pala, mahirap makahanap ng ganung trabaho sa ngayon dahil nga wala pa akong lisensiya dito! So dapat pala, kinuha ko na yung ibang offer noon e di sana tapos na ang problema ko sa ngayon.

Ganunpaman, mabait talaga si Lord. Hindi Niya pa rin ako binibitiwan kahit pasaway ako sa Kanya. Meron na ulit offer na ospital sa akin. Kanina-kanina lang. O e anong dinadaldal-daldal ko rito? E tapos na pala ang problema ko e!

HINDI. Dito pumapasok ang mas marami kong problema.

Mag-a-apply ako bukas (or this week) ng for examination sa DOH dito. Kailangan ko yung TOR, diploma, PRC certifications, certifications from previous employer ko na authenticated by UAE embassy sa Pinas. Ang tanong... asan ang mga ito?

Nasa Pilipinas at pinaprocess pa. Pinakamalinaw na matatanggap ko yun ay by feb pa raw. :(

Sabi ko nga kanina, siguro mas masakit yun tanggapin na uuwi ako (if ever) ng Pinas dahil kulang yung papeles ko at ako ang may kasalanan dahil hindi ko inayos dati pa. Kesa yung dahilan na uuwi ako ng Pinas dahil recession dito at walang employer na kumuha sa akin.

E hindi e. Meron.

Pero ganunpaman, hindi pa rin ako nawawalan ng pag-asa. Alam ko may mas magandang plano si God. Isa pa, malay mo pwede pala ipa-rush yung mga dokumento ko. Basta Lord, hindi Kita pipilitin. Pero sana, please, please, please, please, pleeeeeeeeaaaaaaaassssseeeee naman po. Sana para sa akin na ito. Promise Lord, hindi ko na itatakwil ang Nursing. I-e-embrace ko na ito nang bongga!!!

At Lord, salamat sa lahat ng pagsubok na ito. Alam ko, para ito sa ikabubuti ko.

Alabyu!!!!! :)

At siyempre, salamat sa mga taong patuloy na tumutulong at sumusuporta sa akin ngayon. Special shout-out kina Inday Mechelle, Plats, Rona, Diday. Pati sa tita ko na nag-aayos ng papeles ko sa Pinas! (Bilisan mo!! hahaha). Sa mga magulang ko na patuloy na nagbibigay ng allowance ko na halos linggo-linggo na lang ay hinuhuthutan ko (makakabawi rin ako sa inyo). Sa tita ko na tumutulong sa akin dito at nagbigay ng libreng pabahay. Sa roommate niya rito na nagbigay ng libreng internet. Kay Charee na ever-supportive friend/blogmate ko na isang Dubayuki na pilit pinu-pull-out ang lahat ng resources niya para matulungan ako. Kay Tuts at sa friend niya na nagpadala ng CV ko sa lahat ng emirates! hahaha. Sa lahat ng mga kablogs ko na patuloy pa ring nagbabasa ng blog ko ngayon, english man o tagalog.. haha (Cleotie, Aubrey, Ems, Cha, atbp..). At pati na rin kay O. :)

Salamat ng marami. aysoooooooolabyu all!!! mwuah!

Teacup story

Copied (with permission of course) from Story teller.

There was a couple who took a trip to England to shop in a beautiful antique store to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary. They both liked antiques and pottery, and especially teacups. Spotting an exceptional cup, they asked "May we see that? We've never seen a cup quite so beautiful."

As the lady handed it to them, suddenly the teacup spoke, "You don't understand. I have not always been a teacup. There was a time when I was just a lump of red clay. My master took me and rolled me pounded and patted me over and over and I yelled out, 'Don't do that. I don't like it! Let me alone.' But he only smiled, and gently said; 'Not yet!'" "Then. WHAM! I was placed on a spinning wheel and suddenly I was spun around and around and around. 'Stop it! I'm getting so dizzy! I'm going to be sick,' I screamed. But the master only nodded and said, quietly; 'Not yet.'

"He spun me and poked and prodded and bent me out of shape to suit himself and then… Then he put me in the oven. I never felt such heat. I yelled and knocked and pounded at the door. Help! Get me out of here! I could see him through the opening and I could read his lips as he shook his head from side to side, 'Not yet'."

"When I thought I couldn't bear it another minute, the door opened. He carefully took me out and put me on the shelf, and I began to cool. Oh, that felt so good! Ah, this is much better, I thought. But, after I cooled he picked me up and he brushed and painted me all over. The fumes were horrible. I thought I would gag. 'Oh, please; Stop it, Stop it!' I cried. He only shook his head and said. 'Not yet!'."

"Then suddenly he put me back in to the oven. Only it was not like the first one. This was twice as hot and I just knew I would suffocate. I begged. I pleaded. I screamed. I cried. I was convinced I would never make it. I was ready to give up. Just then the door opened and he took me out and again placed me on the shelf, where I cooled and waited ------- and waited, wondering "What's he going to do to me next? An hour later he handed me a mirror and said 'Look at yourself.'" "And I did. I said, 'That's not me; that couldn't be me. It's beautiful. I'm beautiful!'

Quietly he spoke: 'I want you to remember, then,' he said, 'I know it hurt to be rolled and pounded and patted, but had I just left you alone, you'd have dried up. I know it made you dizzy to spin around on the wheel, but if I had stopped, you would have crumbled. I know it hurt and it was hot and disagreeable in the oven, but if I hadn't put you there, you would have cracked. I know the fumes were bad when I brushed and painted you all over, but if I hadn't done that, you never would have hardened. You would not have had any color in your life. If I hadn't put you back in that second oven, you wouldn't have survived for long because the hardness would not have held. Now you are a finished product. Now you are what I had in mind when I first began with you."

The moral of this story is this:

God knows what He's doing for each of us. He is the potter, and we are His clay. He will mold us and make us, and expose us to just enough pressures of just the right kinds that we may be made into a flawless piece of work to fulfill His good, pleasing and perfect will.

So when life seems hard, and you are being pounded and patted and pushed almost beyond endurance; when your world seems to be spinning out of control; when you feel like you are in a fiery furnace of trials; when life seems to "stink", try this....

Brew a cup of your favorite tea in your prettiest teacup, sit down and think on this story and then, have a little talk with the Potter.

~ Author Unknown ~

Antipatikow

BOSS: You're only 23? So small!

APPLICANT: (thinking: "Duh. Is the word 'young' not included in your dictionary? I'm 5'4 kaya!")

BOSS: You know, we're looking for older than 25. I don't trust young people because they change minds easily. One day they're okay, the next day they're not.

APPLICANT: But it can varies from one person to another, right? *smiles widely*

BOSS: Come here to me...

APPLICANT: (thinking: "Not another maniac on the loose?!") *stood up and went to the boss' table*

BOSS: Type something brief about yourself (on the laptop).

APPLICANT: *typing* (thinking: "Forte ko na ito! Bilis ko kaya magtype. Rank 3 kaya ako sa Typing Maniac sa facebook.")

BOSS: Why are you using only one finger?

APPLICANT: No sir, I'm using two! (forgot the word hands! hahahaha) And sir, I can type fast. See?

After the APPLICANT finished typing a brief description about herself...

BOSS: Why only these? (3 sentences)

APPLICANT: You said to type only a brief description sir. That's brief!

BOSS: Tell me more about yourself.

APPLICANT: Both of my parents are working in Bahrain. My father is an engineer and my mother is an accountant. I'm an only child.

BOSS: Are you sure? Maybe you don't know your father has 7 or 8 other children...

APPLICANT: *smiles* (thinking: "Are you on drugs sir?!!")

BOSS: Are you married?

APPLICANT: No. I'm single.

BOSS: Do you have any children?

APPLICANT: No.

BOSS: Really? Maybe today you're saying that but the next day, you'll say you have 7 or 8 children...

APPLICANT: No sir. I really don't have. (thinking: "Seriously sir, I think you're on drugs!")

BOSS: Do you have a boyfriend?

APPLICANT: No.

BOSS: No? Here you don't have?

APPLICANT: No, sir. I don't have.

BOSS: In the Philippines you don't have?

APPLICANT: I don't have also. (thinking: "Wala nga e ha! Pagdukdukan ba sa aking single nga ako?!")

BOSS: You know the supermarket there? *points at the window* There, you can get a boyfriend. Some are French, Indians, Locals, any nationalities. You can have your pick.

APPLICANT: *still smiles* (thinking: "Sir, if you don't want to accept me or I'm not qualified with the post, then just tell me. I'll gladly accept it. Don't torture me with your nasty attitude.")

BOSS: Ok, I'll give you my number and call me tomorrow if you'd like to come back for an exam. Here's my number....

APPLICANT: Ok sir. I'll just call you tomorrow morning. (thinking: "In your dreams! Kiss my ass!!!")

Bungee Jumping

(Ui, Tagalog ulit! Parang nagkakaroon tuloy ng pattern ang posting ko rito. English-Tagalog-English-Tagalog. Ewan. Basta.. read na lang!)

Parang ang saya magbungee jumping noh? Siguro super saya at thrilling ng experience na ito. Pero kasi, takot din ako e. Takot akong ma-fall. Ayoko pa talaga. Paano kung walang sasalo sa akin sa ibaba, paano kung walang airbed/mattress dun? O di ang sakit. Mahirap kaya makarecover sa ganoong klase ng pagkaka-fall na walang sasalo sa iyo. Masakit yun sa puso, este sa buto at katawan!

Kaya ayoko ma-fall. Pinipigilan ko. Pero kung halimbawang nakasuspend na ako sa air at nagstart nang magbungee jumping sa ngayon, ang estimation ko e malapit na ako sa ground. Malapit na akong ma-fall!

Kaya hindi pwede ito. Hindi talaga. Tsk.







Huwag ka na kasi masyadong mabait. Huwag mo na ko kausapin muna. Huwag kang mangamusta. Huwag mo muna kong bolahin. Ewan kung yun yung tama. Ewan kung unfair ako sa gagawin ko pero kasi... ayoko nang ganito.


Hindi na muna kita kakausapin... kahit gusto ko. :(

A tribute to Rosanna Roces

... NOT!

I am not a fan of Rosanna but I like her before. Admit it. She still looks good in TV despite of her figure. She is brutally frank and just true to herself. But sometimes, she really goes too far.

(I know maybe to some people this issue is a week late especially to those in the Philippines, but I would just like to say my piece) Last week, she was a guest judge in Showtime, a noontime talent/variety show in ABSCBN. She made a nasty comment about teachers (which is totally out of the context) which made MTRCB suspend the said show.

Rosanna Roces comments on teachers goes like this :

“Murahin mo teacher mo ha, ako minura ko nung hindi nya nasagot sa akin yan. Walanghiya yang mga teacher na yan hindi sinasagot ang totoo sa atin eh.”

“Kayong mga kabataan huwag kayong makokontento sa itinuturo ng libro at ng teacher, magtatanong po kayo hindi masama iyon. Dahil ang mga teachers they were just repeaters. Itinuturo nila kung ano yung tinuro sa kanila, hindi na nila itinuturo kung anong gustong malaman ng mga bata.”

IMO...

I experienced having terror teachers, teachers who don’t know what they’re talking about, teachers who think they know everything (but actually they don’t), comical teachers who never earned their students’ respect, weird and out of this world teachers. But as what Vice Ganda said, teachers, as a human being, also make mistakes. I also had teachers who are very intelligent and passionate about their profession. I will be forever grateful to them for imparting their knowledge and for being our surrogate parents in school.

Special shout-out to my most favorite teachers all through-out my school life (Sorry if I’ve forgotten your complete names! Haha)

Ms. Racquel V. Quimba (adviser/Math teacher, 1st grade), Ms. Reyes (Math teacher, 2nd year highschool), Ms. Panganiban (Filipino teacher, 4th year highschool), Sir Origenes (Psychology/Social studies professor, 1st and 4th year college), Ma'am Rouena Villarama (Pediatrics professor/clinical instructor), Ma'am Elizabeth Jurado (Pediatrics professor/clinical instructor), Ma'am Delia Llanes (OB-Gyne Professor), and to Ma'am Cortez (Skills Lab/Fundamentals in Nursing professor/clinical instructor) who never failed to scold me everyday of our Nursing duty! Hahaha.

Thank you very much my dear Ma'ams and Sir! :)

PS: I salute Vice Ganda for standing up againts the nasty remarks of Osang. I am also one of Vice Ganda's fans in facebook! Hahaha.

And I hope MTRCB will resume the airing of Showtime as soon as possible. It is a very nice and entertaining show. Lots of people all over the world are watching it. It is not the network nor the show's mistake that Osang made that comment. Please be fair MTRCB.

Credits to: Pinoyambisyoso.com

Yihee para sa 2010!

(Ok, so Tagalog ito sa ngayon)

Sa totoo lang, ayokong gumawa ng ganito. Sabi ko nga di ba sa previous entries ko, ayoko na masyadong gawing personal ang blog na ito. Pero there are times like this na I can't help it! So since ako naman ang may-ari ng blog na ito, e dapat lang na wala ng explanations di ba? Haha!

Para sa iyo,

Parehas tayong maraming problema as of now. Maraming bagay na iniisip, inaayos, and we're trying our best to be better persons. Natutuwa ako kasi magkalayo man tayo ngayon, you never fail to make me feel your concern for me. Minsan or siguro most of the time ayaw kitang kausapin kasi ayokong umasa at masaktan ulit. Ayokong madevelop sa iyo nang todong-todo. Magulo pa kasi ang buhay ko sa ngayon e. Gusto ko sana kapag pumasok na ako sa isang relationship, okay na ako. Maayos na ang career ko (hahaha.. Lord, alam mo na ito. Ako kasi hindi ko pa gets masyado), hindi na ako magulo magdesisyon, matapang na ako, at higit sa lahat, sigurado na ako sa feelings ko. So kailangan pa talaga natin ng time. Mahabang time. Ikaw rin naman e. You still have some issues to fix.

Pero gusto ko lang malaman mo, na sa mga oras na down ako, natutuwa ako kasi nandiyan ka para kausapin ako. Salamat sa mga kwento at pieces of advice. Ewan ko. Hindi ako sure. Pero feeling ko, may magic na. May kilig factor ka na sa akin. PERO pinipigilan ko pa rin! Hahaha. Ewan ko ba. Ayoko kasing maging super happy with this feeling tapos mawawala rin naman nang bigla. Gusto ko kasi talaga, yung sure na. Sabi sa iyo, magulo ako talaga e.

Alam mo ba (yuck ang corny neto promise), sa tuwing kausap kita, nae-excite na ako, napapa-smile at napapatawa na ako, kinakabahan ako, nilalamig ang mga kamay ko, at nagkakaroon din ako ng goosebumps. Minsan nga namumula pa tenga ko e! Hahaha. Shet. Ayoko nito e. Kinokontrol ko pa rin talaga kasi ang emotions ko. At FYI, kaya ko pa naman. Kontrolado ko pa naman as of now. Hindi ko nga alam kung tama ba na ganito ako e. Urung-sulong. Pero sabi ko nga kasi sa iyo, takot lang akong masaktan ulit. Sabi mo nga, ang taas ng bakod/walls ko sa sarili ko. At sabi mo rin, ikaw rin. Takot ka na rin sa ngayon. So ano na mangyayari sa atin kung ganito tayo? Hahaha.

Bahala na. Siguro ipaubaya na lang natin talaga kay Bro at sa tamang panahon. Oo, naniniwala pa rin ako na kung tayo talaga ang para sa isa't-isa, harangin man tayo ng sandamakmak na sibat, e tayo talaga. ANG KASO LANG, andami ko nang nasabihan nang ganun e hindi naman talaga nagtagal! Hahaha. So, bahala na talaga.

Gusto ko lang malaman mo (as if talaga mababasa mo ito di ba?), na sa tingin ko kahit dapat maging malungkot at hopeless na ako sa mga nangyayari sa akin sa ngayon, e isa ka sa mga dahilan kung bakit masaya pa rin ako. Sana huwag kang mawala at kayanin natin ang distance, time, duration, proximity at kung ano pang nasa pagitan natin. Pipilitin ko rin namang umalalay pa rin sa iyo at hindi mawala sa tabi mo. Sana kayanin natin. :)

Ayoko na. Tama na. Cheesy na. END na.

Improvised bacon wrapped with apple slices

I just started learning how to cook last year.. haha. And today, since I'm home alone, I decided to make an experiment. We have some turkey bacon left-overs in the ref and I was thinking what else I can do with it aside from frying. I searched the net and found out that it can be cooked with apples. Lucky, we have sooo many apples here because of last new year's celebration. So there, with those two main ingredients, I made an improvised Bacon wrapped with apple slices. :)

What you need:

Butter (I used lard on this one since we dont have unsalted butter)

Onion

Brown sugar (but we dont have so I used white which was okay I guess)

Salt

Pepper

Marjomar (it's some kind of spices. and we have it here in the kitchen. hurray!)

Bacon strips

Apple slices (peeled)

Steps:

1. Fry the bacon strips in the pan. Don't make it crispy. Just right and still flexible. Then removed it from the pan.
2. Using the same pan, put lard, onions, salt and pepper, then sugar. Mix it all together until it caramelized. Just add water if needed.
3. Put on the sliced apples and mix with the sauce.
4. Put the half-cooked bacon strips and mix everything again.

and voila! My masterpiece. My first-ever non-supervised recipe! :)

It's yummy, really! Haha.. and I'm not exaggerating here. The apple slices are still crunchy and the sauce is sweet and oh so good! :)

I actually enjoyed cooking. Eventhough, of course, I'm still not an expert, especially when chopping onions, but I'm getting there. Maybe this is what I ought to be doing. Maybe I'm meant to be a chef! Haha

PS: Bacon wrapped with apple slices, as the name suggests, the bacon should be wrapped on the apple slices. But since we don't have toothpick here to put them together I just mixed everything in the pan! *grin*

Life is a maze and love is a riddle

I'm at home having a very painful back. Don't know if it's still because of my scoliosis or because of 8 hours sitting in front of the computer, sending resumes in all the hospitals/clinics/polyclinics here in Dubai. I also have black-stained fingers because of frequent scanning of classified ads in newspapers.

Am I losing hope? Well... honestly, a bit. I'm really an optimistic person. But sometimes, I just can't help it. :(

I'm a nurse who doesn't know which path should I really be taking. I love arts and yes, most of the time I wish that I should have taken Fine Arts instead of Nursing. But don't get me wrong. I don't despise Nursing. It's just that, maybe, I'm not given the chance to be included in a well-known tertiary hospital where I can learn and improve my nursing skills.

I'm a mediocre nursing student. I have average grades in Nursing subjects back in College. My best subjects were Statistics, Asian Civilization, Social Studies, and PE, specifically football! Haha. Subjects which are not really needed in Nursing!

Do I love having duties in the hospital? Yes and No.

I'm really not used to emergency situations. I'm not expert at putting IV cannulas. Usually, I palpitate and get nervous whenever I was having patients who were suffering terribly in pain. I don't have sufficient knowledge and experience in treating all diseases, which makes me a little bit unconfident to be a nurse.

But whenever I'm doing nursing interventions and I get it right the first time, it really makes my heart leap. :) I enjoy blood, wounds, pus, and everything icky and yucky coming out from the patients (except for urine and poop, of course. Who would have want that?!). And believe it or not, I'm compassionate about my patients. The feeling is priceless whenever I get genuine gratitude from my patients. That really makes me feel that I'm making a difference. I'm someone in this world. I'm worthy.

Does that mean I am qualified as a nurse? I don't know. But I remember, before I made my decision to take a degree in Nursing, I asked God for a sign. That if I pass the exam and interview in the university where I graduated, then I'm definitely meant to be a nurse. Not only that, He made me passed my 4 years in Nursing without failing marks, and even made me passed the Nursing Licensure exam.

And to add a bonus on that one, He made me practiced my profession in a foreign country for a year eventhough I didn't have any working experience in my home land!


So am I really meant to be a nurse? What if I'm pursuing a wrong path? What if I should be doing something else where I can really excel and be happy about?


Oh God, this is really, really, really hard. I just pray that someday (in the near future I hope), I would know what's meant for me and what's my real purpose in life.

Throughout the whole day, the lyrics of the song entitled The Show by Lenka, were playing through my mind. It's as if the letters of the song were teasing me...

"I'm just a little bit caught in the moment, life is a maze and love is a riddle. I don't know where to go, can't do it alone, I've tried. I've got to let it go... and just enjoy the show."

Maybe that's what God is telling me as of this moment. Stop worrying of so many things that I should not be worrying about in the first place and just enjoy my journey. Eventhough depression is really kicking in this time (maybe due to hormonal imbalance again), I know all these obstacles that I'm facing will be all worth it in the end. :)

In fact, these obstacles are not really obstacles compared to the problems other people are having! I should be thankful that I still have a wonderful life with my loved-ones and friends despite of my mind-boggling queries about life.. hehe

Anyway, on the lighter side, my college friends had a mini-reunion today in Trinoma (where else? haha) and I really wish I was there. Funny because eventhough I wasn't there anymore, the meeting place was still in Red Ribbon inside Trinoma. That place became very memorable for me. It became the meeting place whenever my friends (from gradeschool, highschool, and college) and I would plan for a get-together. It was also the place where I met my blogmates...

and so as some other people I just met this year, I mean last year! haha *wink*

Ekspleyn

Sa loob ng humigit-kumulang 5 years of blogging ko, masasabi kong ibang-iba ako sa blog kong ito. Marami akong blogs noon at 3 na lang ang existing sa ngayon pero yung dalawa hindi ko na masyado naa-update. Bukod sa puros kadramahan, kaartehan, at ka-bitteran ang mga pinagsusulat ko dun sa mga dati na hindi ko maisulat masyado rito, ay English ang napili kong language sa blog kong ito... hahaha. Hindi para mag-inarte, magmalaki, o kung anuman. Ang pagkakaiba kasi ng pagsulat ko ng English na blog entry, mas naiisip ko yung mga sinusulat ko. Mas naiisip ko kung dapat ko pa bang ilagay itong topic na ito o hindi na. Kung Tagalog kasi, go lang ako ng go. Hala, sige. Banat ng banat. I don't care kung puros kapathetican ang mga pinagsusulat ko noon, na sa tuwing babasahin ko, ay madalas na napapahawak ako sa noo ko at napapasabing OMG! at napapatanong kung bakit ko pa sinulat ang mga yun. Oo marami akong pinagsisihang sinulat na entries noon na gusto ko sanang i-delete kaso marami nang nakabasa nun. At in fairness naman, hindi naman lahat pinagsisisihan kong isulat. Yung iba naman, natatawa ako at na-a-amazed ako sa sarili ko ngayon na parang nagmatured na ako kesa dun sa nakaraang ako na nagsulat nung blog entry na yun.

Pero meron din akong mga nakuhang violent reactions sa mga taong nagbabasa ng blogs ko noon. Yung iba pa nga talagang i-sesend nila as private message sa akin. At sa maniwala man kayo't sa hindi, nagkaroon din ako ng stalkers dahil sa mga pinopost ko noon. Nakakatawa na nakakainis na pinag-aksayahan pa nila ng panahon di ba. To think na may karapatan naman ako sa freedom of speech at wala silang pakialam sa blog ko.

Sa totoo lang, ang dami kong gustong ikuwento sa blog na ito, ang dami kong gustong i-post na pictures, links, etc, pero mas controlled na ang posting ko rito. Kumbaga sa TV shows, may MTRCB na. Ganun na ngayon ang blog kong ito. Hindi na lahat sinasabi ko, hindi na lahat pinopost ko, at hindi na masyadong personalized. Usually ang mga nilalagay ko na nga lang dito ay general topic e.

Nakakamiss din yung dati kong style ng pagbablog. Actually, mas masaya ako sa ganung style. Pero kasi, naisip ko naman, hindi naman kasi lahat ng information or emotions ko, kailangan ko i-divulge sa public.

Pero minsan kasi, wala akong mapagsabihan ng mga agam-agam ko sa buhay at gusto ko sana i-blog. Kaso, dahil nga controlled na ang pagpopost ko sa blog na ito, hindi ko na naitutuloy i-post. Kaya ang ending, lahat ng mga bagay-bagay na dapat naisulat ko na sa blog na dapat nakapagpagaan na ng nararamdaman ko ngayon ay nasa utak ko pa rin. Asar!

Di bale. Siguro after a few days/weeks, lilipas din itong mga ito. This too shall pass again.

Pero namimiss ko pa rin yung mga dati kong blogs. :(

But I am now, I believe, is a better and grown-up person writing in this blog. :)