What's with pride?

Minsan may mga bagay kang gustong tanungin at linawin pero kaya mo kayang itanong o hindi na lang kasi may pride ka?

Paano kung matatahimik ka lang kapag nalaman mo yung kasagutan kahit masakit (or hindi masakit kasi hindi mo pa talaga alam), go ka ba or huwag na lang kasi may pride ka?

Ang labo pare!

How to avoid being clingy

Sometimes, when I like someone, I tend to be clingy with him. I always want to talk to him, see him, and share stories with him. Of course, I like the person that's why I'm interested in knowing him. But I guess, this habit of mine is really unhealthy. My friends even said that I'm PARANOID (Oh yeah, I've heard it for more than 10 times now!). But I can't help it! I always think of negative things whenever he would not call me throughout the day. :(

So to help myself from being a clingy-freak, I googled this topic and I would like to share these steps to those girls (or even guys) who want to change their attitude for a loving and healthier relationship.

HOW TO AVOID BEING CLINGY:

1. 
   
   Trust the other person totally. They are not like your ex, and will not do the same thing to you. Not every man or every woman is out to break your heart or steal your money. Relax and do not blow a good relationship because you feel selfish.
2. 
   
   Realize that the one you love is in love with who you are. That will not change unless you continue to be selfish and that will only serve to drive that person away. Be yourself, the person they fell in love with and not the person who clings and is selfish.
3. 
   
   Keep yourself busy. When you feel like being clingy usually, it is because you are lonely and keeping busy will eliminate that need. Find a hobby, read a book, visit a friend, or clean your house from top to bottom do anything you can do to avoid being selfish. (Or in my case, REVIEW!)
4. 
   
   Realize that the one you love has a life which you are a part of. You are not that person's whole life and you should not consume them, for that only brings heartbreak to both of you. Do not try to consume their every waking moment of their life; they have jobs and a life outside of you.
5. Allow the person to be themselves. You fell in love with that person because of whom they were, and if you cling to them for life support then you are changing them from whom you love. You should never want to change someone you love.
6. Realize that if you try to control the actions of the one you profess to love, you will lose that person. Let that person be him or herself. For if you try to control they will high tail it out of the relationship, as no one likes to be controlled.

In my case, well I guess I'm still having problems regarding trust issues. Maybe putting up high walls for my defense, is really not a good idea. Eventhough I wanted to give my whole trust to someone, I still have this fear that he might broke it and I will be in pain again. :(

But I'm trying. I'm trying to break the walls and to trust someone again.

I just hope he is true enough and will wait for me when the time comes that I'm ready to be with him. :)

*Oo nga pala. Si Juan ay si Juan at si Pedro ay si Pedro. Hindi sila magkaparehas at magkaibang tao sila.*

You give me something

I was watching American Idol last night and one of the contestants sang this song.

You give me something by James Morrison

You give me something that makes me scared, alright

This could be nothing, but I'm willing to give it a try :)

I've found out something yesterday which made me a bit shocked. But as the hours passed last night, I realized that we all have our fair-share of first love, one true love, first heartache, and the likes. Only a few among us are very lucky to have their first love as their partners for a long time. Even soulmates don't end up with each other. And we all are not sure of what tomorrow might bring to us. We will never know who's really the one for us.

But I still believe in destiny. That no matter how long and how many obstacles you've faced in your lifetime, if two people are meant for each other, then God will make a way to keep them together.

The sturdy walls

Believe it or not, I started reviewing just a few minutes ago for my oral examinations on the 15th of April. Then I got bored just by scanning my thick (actually my friend's since I borrowed it from her) Medical-Surgical Nursing book. Gahd! Why do we have to take examinations all the time?! Tsk.

So I'll just make a short blog entry about an sms sent to me yesterday by a friend:

They met...

But the timing isn't right..

She has her reasons and he has his..

They're both confused..

So they decided to part ways..

She wants him to wait, he said he will..

Whatever it takes..

Years later, they saw each other again..

..but too much time has passed..

too late to make it work..

Lesson?

People change, so does the heart..

Seize the moment..

For in truth..

Nobody waits forever. :(

----> made me more scared than ever! haha If you are a friend of mine who's been reading this blog for quite some time, you probably read my entry about me having my walls to prevent myself from getting hurt all the time. Mind you, it isn't easy to have those. Most of the time, I feel like I have two persons inside me, telling me to believe and be positive, and the other one telling me the exact opposite. Sometimes, I'd like to lower down my walls just to at least give someone a chance or the benefit of the doubt that maybe, just maybe, he won't hurt me like the previous ones. But since these walls of mine are built after a long time now, they became a bit sturdier than before, that even I could not break it. I'm still dwelling with trust issues, insecurities, and a lot of pressure from my responsibilities that I must accomplish within a short span of time.

I sometimes thought that I hope I never built that walls in the first place. After all, being hurt and scared are all part of loving. It is not always rainbows and butterflies. In order for love to grow and be strong, we should take chances and believe that there is still a happy ending. Because if we continue to be scared of being hurt again, then we'll never be able to love and be loved again.

Then I saw this status message from my friend in facebook:

"The thing is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just have to choose who is worth the pain."

As of now, I'm still in the process of trying to break down my walls. But maybe, taking a shot at this time is worth giving a try. I don't know. We never know what's the best decision anyway unless we try.

Pero natatakot pa rin akong maramdaman ulit ang selos, paranoia, disappointments, and everythAng else na kaakibat ng feeling na ayokong maramdaman sa ngayon!

Happy hearts day everyone!

For all the pics, credit goes to Plats. :)

Akala ko rin hindi about sa reporting ito! Haha.

Kung bakit kasi may mga pa-fall?! O di sana walang assuming!

Proven and affected! Haha

Or memorize talaga yung number niya! :)

Uh-hum... :o

A bit early for this greeting, I know. But I'm still anticipating Feb 14 of this year because of 3 reasons: PBB double up big night (Melay for the big winner! wohoo!!), expiration date of my visa (haha), and simply because it's Valentine's day. Who said it's only for couples? :)

                  

Again,

Happy Valentine's day! Much love and kisses!

--- **cutiemaartie.blogspot.com** :)

The old Me

Usapan namin ng friend ko kanina sa ym:

Friend: Sana yung dating Camille ang naabutan niya.. hehehe

Ako: Na? Yung banat ng banat? hahaha

Friend: Oo. Yung Camille na hindi pa takot.

Iniisip ko yan simula pa kanina. Siguro nga, sobrang natakot na ako na masaktan ulit kaya ganito ako ngayon. Ngayon kasi, dinibdib ko na masyado ang mga katagang "Guard your heart."

Hindi ako ganito noon, promise. Noon, utu-uto ako, madaling mabola, at madaling ma-fall. At madalas akong masaktan dahil sa kashungahan kong ganyan. Madalas akong umiyak, madalas magpakapathetic, at ang laging sumbungan ay ang dakilang blog na mababasa ng ibang tao. Tapos mababasa ko ulit yun after some time, at eeewwwness naman talaga! Hahaha.

Ayoko na nang ganun. Kaya tinuruan ko sarili ko maging numb. I put walls around myself. Sa bawat actuations ng kung sinuman (mostly lalakeng nagpapacute), lahat nilalagyan ko ng negative meaning. Lagi kong sinasabi sa sarili ko na, hindi rin yan magtatagal katulad ng iba. Huwag ka mag-invest ng special feelings mo diyan. Masasabi kong it worked naman for me. Kumbaga, mas pinapagana ko na kasi yung utak ko. Hindi na yung lagi nadadaan sa emosyon.

Minsan, ang dami kong tanong na gustong itanong, ang dami kong bagay na gusto kong gawin, pero dahil I have my walls around me, I was restricted. Limited yung kilos ko. Dapat eto lang ang sasabihin, dapat eto lang ang ipaparamdam. Nothing more, nothing less.

Mahirap din pala. Hindi ko masabi lahat ng gusto kong sabihin kasi nga natatakot ako na baka pag may mali akong nasabi o nagawa, mawawala yung isang bagay/tao na mahalaga sa akin. Hindi ko alam kung tama ba yung ginagawa kong ganito. In fairness, wala pa namang nasisira na anuman. Hindi naman ako nasasaktan pa nang bonggang-bongga kagaya noon na kailangan kong iiyak.

Pero hindi rin naman ako masaya. So, ibig sabihin ba tama yung ginagawa ko?

Nag-iingat lang naman kasi ako. Ayoko lang matulad sa dati na I always give chance pero sa huli ako yung umuuwing luhaan. Mahirap din kaya magmove on at mahirap magsimula ulit na parang walang nangyari!

Naalala ko tuloy yung sabi nung isa ko pang friend sa akin. Totoo raw yung kantang I know I'll never love this way again. Kasi once you've been hurt by what had happened in the past, you'd be too cautious with your actions the next time.

Hay, siguro nga totoo yung kantang yun.

Pero ayoko namang habambuhay akong takot. Siguro, darating din ang time na may isang taong makakatibag ng walls ko. :)

Super gulo

Hindi ko na naiintindihan. Ang gulo na talaga ng nangyayari sa buhay ko ngayon (kaya ulit Tagalog ito kasi sumasakit na ng todo ulo ko.. huhuhu).

Sabi ko sa previous entry ko di ba okay na papers ko for exam. Ang problema ko na lang ay yung date ng exam di ba. Kaya napagdesisyunan ko na uuwi na muna (sana) ako ng Pinas for 35 days kasi nga malapit na mag-expire visa ko. Tapos sa Pinas na lang ako magrereview at ipagpapatuloy ko yung pagpapatatak ng UAE embassy sa documents ko. Excited na nga ako e. Namili na ako kahapon ng ilang pasalubong. Kaso kanina nung nasa ospital ako, nakausap ko yung doktor. Sabi niya, vivisahan na lang daw niya ako ng iba (secretary/receptionist) para hindi na ako umuwi. I-take ko na raw yung urgent exam which is sa Feb 17 nga. Sa totoo lang, dapat natutuwa ako di ba? Kasi less gastos yun sa pamasahe pauwi ng Pinas at pabalik ulit dito.

Ang kaso, ang dami ko pa ring worries. Like yung TOR at diploma ko, tapos na yun sa DFA. Naka-red ribbon na sila, ang kaso wala pang UAE embassy seal. Pina-stop ko na dun sa stage na yun sa tita ko na tumutulong sa akin umayos nun na nasa Pinas. Sabi ko kasi, ako na lang mag-aayos pag-uwi ko. E kaso yun nga. Bigla namang nagbago na naman ang ihip ng hangin at eto, ipapa-rush ko na naman sa kanya yun. Hey buhey, you're so gulo.

Isa pa, ewan ko kung kaya kong mag-exam sa 17. Oral examinations dito e. Alam ko mas magaling ako sa written. Kabisote kasi ako e. Tapos pinepressure pa ako ng mga magiging kasamahan kong nurses dun sa trabaho. Sabi nila kaya ko raw yun kasi nga sa eskwelahan na pinag-graduate-an ko ng college. Sila nga raw galing sa ganitong nursing college lang, nakapasa, e di lalo na raw ako. Sa totoo lang, hindi ako natutuwa kapag sinasabi nila yun. Lalo akong nape-pressure na dapat mapasa ko yun. Hindi naman sa eskwelahan nakukuha yun e. Ewan ko rin kung bakit ako nakapasa sa entrance exam dun, sa cut-off grade, at higit sa lahat sa sandamakmak na exams na dinaanan ko nung college hanggang sa naka-graduate ako. In fairness, mas mataas din board rating ko sa kanila (hahaha.. yumayabang na ako sa part na to. Pero totoo yan nung nagkukwentuhan kami kanina).

Pero bakit ganun? Parang sobrang nawala yung tiwala ko sa sarili ko.

Pero gaya nga ng sinabi ko sa last entry ko, ibinigay na ni God sa akin itong chance na ito at hindi ko na dapat balewalain. Eto na nga e. Hindi na ako mag-e-exit sa Pinas. Ang kailangan ko na lang gawin ay manalangin na mapaayos agad papers ko, at siyempre magreview.

Kaya ko ito. RN naman ako a. At graduate ako ng school ko! Yehes. I can do this baby!

Kaya siguro, yung pag-uwi ng Pilipinas kahit excited at may mga pasalubong na ako, ipagpapaliban ko na muna. Babalik at babalik pa rin naman ako dun e. Hindi naman mawawala yun. Isa pa, ang mahalaga ngayon ay maayos ko muna yung buhay ko rito at makapagtrabaho nang makaipon. Dami ko na utang kina parents!  :(

So eto. Andito pa rin ako. Go go go pa rin at fight fight fight! :) Hay Lord, please help me.

So magiging busy muna siguro ako these coming weeks. Sa pag-aayos ng papers, pagduduty, at pagrereview. Kaya ko ito!

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Ako: E ikaw kamusta ka naman?

O: Ok naman... masaya na.

Ako: E bat ka happy na?

O: Kasi uuwi ka na :)

Last na usapan namin. Kaya excited na rin yata ako umuwi e. Ang kaso, hindi nga matutuloy siguro. Ganun e. Kailangan ko munang ayusin ang buhay ko. :(

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